Shortly after my Robert passed we moved to Houston, TX and stayed with my parents. My husband went back into the Army didn't leave until the following Feb. 2005. I got Mollie and Jacob into school and walked them to school everyday. I decided that I needed to do something, I couldn't just sit around and cry my eyes out. I enrolled and started class in September, to be a Medical Assist. I figured I would go into the Medical field so that I could learn all I could. I wanted to know why my son died if all there was wrong was a damn liver that was bleeding internally. I absolutely loved going to school, I made such good grade's I impressed myself. I did learn though that if my son would of had the appropriate medical care in time; he could of been saved. But it was to late to do something about then, so I decided I wanted to make a difference in other lives.
That Christmas was very hard for everyone. My parents tried very hard to make it a great Christmas for the kids. I remember we bought our first video camera so that we could take pictures and videos of the kids. I remember that Christmas morning Mollie came running and yelling about snow. She came to get me and take me to the back door. I looked out the doors and tears came down my face, as I remembered that Robert wanted it to snow on Christmas so he could play and make a snowman . We all got dressed and went out to play. I videoed the kids while they were making their snowman. They then went and found things to put on the snowman. When they were done they called everyone out and showed us there snowman, his name was Robert. For me I just cried more, but inside I knew that the snow was from Robert. That was the only year that Galveston beach was covered with snow.
I graduated May 2005 and got to work in my first Dr. office. I had so much fun, my past experience with death came in handy. I helped out a patient that had lost her husband and was having issues. The nurse and doctor asked if I would talk to her so I did. She asked what had happened to me, who had I lost. After explaining to her about Robert and that I had been having serious issues with his loss. I used to sleep with his ern literally, I would cry myself to sleep and talk to him on a daily bases. After I explained that to her that everyone has different ways of dealing with death of loved ones; she explained to me that she had done the same with her husband's ern. I was so happy that I could talk to someone and help them, it was a great feeling.
We left for Hawaii June 2005, we were ready to make a new start. I got into college started on just a associates degree, and got a job working in family practice there on Schofield barracks. I met new friends and loved my neighbors. I walked Mollie to school and picked her up everyday. Even started going to the gym and getting my life back on track, well the best that I could considering. I was in denial that I needed to talk to anyone or even need any medicines for help. I After a year of living on Schofield barracks we moved out to Ewa Beach. That was the most beautiful place I had ever lived. Walking distance to the beach, a shoppette, school, work center and even a ice cream shop. The kids loved it there, they had so much stuff to do and stay occupied.
Jenn
If I have misspelled or use wrong language please excuse.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
July 6, 2004
It was July, 6 2004. I had finally been talked into letting little Robert go with John to work. As I drove them to the shop and drop them off I remembered how excited Robert was because he was finally getting to go out on the ranch. We stopped at the small store and got some of his favorite stuff to eat, red velvet cake, chocolate doughnuts, and of course some chocolate milk. As he was getting out of the truck I remember having to get all his goodies together and put them with Johns food. All he could do was run around the shop area so excited. Jumping on the small trailers and making them go up and down as he ran back and forth on them. I had to chase him down just to get that last kiss and hug from him and tell him " I Love you", no answer. I called his name and told him to come to me, he did right away. I said,"I told you I love you". He grab my leg squeezed it hard, reached up to me to give me a hug and a kiss and said I love you too mom. See after "work" he was so excited to go to "work", knowing he was doing nothing but throwing rocks around and playing.
I took Mollie and Jake to Walmart and did a little shopping, funny though cause I still remembered what I bought. I bought my self 2 pairs of denim shorts and a movie that Robert wanted to see. The Butterfly Effect, crazy I know, but hey I wanted to see it too. Got some toilet paper and dog food and then headed home.
Now you might be asking what exactly happened.. Well it goes like this. Robert got to ride in the back of the truck with his cousin Ricky. They were so excited to get to play together by themselves at the ranch. When it was lunch time they were told to get in the back of the truck, as they did Ricky sat on the gate and dangled his legs off. Well Robert with the " I can do what you can do attitude" preceded to sit down too. But by this time the driver had already put the truck in reverse and as he did this the truck went up over a rock. At the exact time I am told Robert lost his footing and fell off the back of the tail gate. As little Ricky was yelling STOP, John looked in the mirror on the passenger side truck and seen that Robert was on the ground. Before the driver could stop Robert was all ready under the back tire, granted he did NOT go completely over him. he stopped quickly and reversed back off. Robert at that time felt fine he was actually tyring to get up and play he had no pain.
That's when I got the first phone call.
As I got home and put everything away,and i was beginning to make some lunch for the kids. I got a call from John; his first words..." Everything is okay, Robert was hit, but hes okay. just meet us at the E.R." I grab up the kids, called my friends and parents and fled to the E.R. When I got there they had heard nothing of the accident I panicked even more. I called John back. The ambulance was just getting there. They said they was not going to take him anywhere because he was to unstable. They told John they had to call in Life Watch. John told me to go to his work and wait for him there. That I can tell you at the time it was THE longest 10 minutes of my life. When John finally pulled in me and the kids were ready and headed to the hospital. I remember John driving down the middle of the road from Ingran, TX and Kerrville TX, we were going at least 80mph. We had pulled in and got to the E,R before they brought my little Robert through to a trauma room. I watched as they brought him through and they were trying to preform CPR. I watched as they "tried" to bring him back to me. I remember just setting in a chair next to his bed and holding him like a baby. All I could do was rock him and hum different songs we had used to sing. Jacob and Mollie at that time didn't really want to see him, I completely understood. But I could not leave his side, I had Johns family and my friends there and they talked and helped out allot.
I then realized that well, there might of been that little bit of hope that HEY he could of lived IF ONLY... If only the EM T's new what to do with pediatrics, if... the EMT and the Life Watch EM T's might of just got him off the ground and into a hospital sooner. FYI.. the helicopter was sitting so long waiting for the other EM T's to "stabilize" him so they could take over. WELL GUESS WHAT.... HE ACTUALLY DIED IN ROUTE AT 120 PM. So knowing this they still worked on my little boy for 45 mins knowing they were not going to bring him back.. WHY??? I asked that when I found out to.. I was told that its to make the parents feel better, that they did everything they could of done. BULL SHIT.. After my sons autopsy's was done, it came back that he had died from a severed liver. He had NO broken bones, or any head trauma. FYI... If he would of been taken straight away and xrays could of been done then they would of known the proper surgery could of been done. Knowing now that your liver can regenerate really makes is hard to understand WHY MY SON DIED... When you in a such a small town that we lived in I found out that it was NOT set up for pediatric emergencies. Only for the elderly.
As time went on and the day came to an end, my parents finally showed up along with a hole lot of other family I was really not expecting. They helped me leave my Robert and go home. Later that night I was taken back to the E.R by my husband and brother in law, It seems I was have m I realized the next day that I was having to do they 1st of many more to come panic attacks. They treated me and sent me hone. The next day as I realized what day it was, I started planning for the serves for my baby on my 30th birthday. WOW I couldn't believe it. Everyone had told me that life is great in your 30's lol that's a bunch or horse shit!! As you read further you will totally under stand. But for now I don't even celebrate my birthday for now.
Stay tuned for more.....
I took Mollie and Jake to Walmart and did a little shopping, funny though cause I still remembered what I bought. I bought my self 2 pairs of denim shorts and a movie that Robert wanted to see. The Butterfly Effect, crazy I know, but hey I wanted to see it too. Got some toilet paper and dog food and then headed home.
Now you might be asking what exactly happened.. Well it goes like this. Robert got to ride in the back of the truck with his cousin Ricky. They were so excited to get to play together by themselves at the ranch. When it was lunch time they were told to get in the back of the truck, as they did Ricky sat on the gate and dangled his legs off. Well Robert with the " I can do what you can do attitude" preceded to sit down too. But by this time the driver had already put the truck in reverse and as he did this the truck went up over a rock. At the exact time I am told Robert lost his footing and fell off the back of the tail gate. As little Ricky was yelling STOP, John looked in the mirror on the passenger side truck and seen that Robert was on the ground. Before the driver could stop Robert was all ready under the back tire, granted he did NOT go completely over him. he stopped quickly and reversed back off. Robert at that time felt fine he was actually tyring to get up and play he had no pain.
That's when I got the first phone call.
As I got home and put everything away,and i was beginning to make some lunch for the kids. I got a call from John; his first words..." Everything is okay, Robert was hit, but hes okay. just meet us at the E.R." I grab up the kids, called my friends and parents and fled to the E.R. When I got there they had heard nothing of the accident I panicked even more. I called John back. The ambulance was just getting there. They said they was not going to take him anywhere because he was to unstable. They told John they had to call in Life Watch. John told me to go to his work and wait for him there. That I can tell you at the time it was THE longest 10 minutes of my life. When John finally pulled in me and the kids were ready and headed to the hospital. I remember John driving down the middle of the road from Ingran, TX and Kerrville TX, we were going at least 80mph. We had pulled in and got to the E,R before they brought my little Robert through to a trauma room. I watched as they brought him through and they were trying to preform CPR. I watched as they "tried" to bring him back to me. I remember just setting in a chair next to his bed and holding him like a baby. All I could do was rock him and hum different songs we had used to sing. Jacob and Mollie at that time didn't really want to see him, I completely understood. But I could not leave his side, I had Johns family and my friends there and they talked and helped out allot.
I then realized that well, there might of been that little bit of hope that HEY he could of lived IF ONLY... If only the EM T's new what to do with pediatrics, if... the EMT and the Life Watch EM T's might of just got him off the ground and into a hospital sooner. FYI.. the helicopter was sitting so long waiting for the other EM T's to "stabilize" him so they could take over. WELL GUESS WHAT.... HE ACTUALLY DIED IN ROUTE AT 120 PM. So knowing this they still worked on my little boy for 45 mins knowing they were not going to bring him back.. WHY??? I asked that when I found out to.. I was told that its to make the parents feel better, that they did everything they could of done. BULL SHIT.. After my sons autopsy's was done, it came back that he had died from a severed liver. He had NO broken bones, or any head trauma. FYI... If he would of been taken straight away and xrays could of been done then they would of known the proper surgery could of been done. Knowing now that your liver can regenerate really makes is hard to understand WHY MY SON DIED... When you in a such a small town that we lived in I found out that it was NOT set up for pediatric emergencies. Only for the elderly.
As time went on and the day came to an end, my parents finally showed up along with a hole lot of other family I was really not expecting. They helped me leave my Robert and go home. Later that night I was taken back to the E.R by my husband and brother in law, It seems I was have m I realized the next day that I was having to do they 1st of many more to come panic attacks. They treated me and sent me hone. The next day as I realized what day it was, I started planning for the serves for my baby on my 30th birthday. WOW I couldn't believe it. Everyone had told me that life is great in your 30's lol that's a bunch or horse shit!! As you read further you will totally under stand. But for now I don't even celebrate my birthday for now.
Stay tuned for more.....
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